Enemy Vehicles

A large part of succeeding at driving is knowing what to expect out of people. You must know what people are going to do or are capable of doing. Know their every move and how to counter it.

The following page lists certain types of cars and actions according to past experience driving in California, Michigan and cross country. There are exceptions to everything so none of these are set in stone, I would just make a bet that overall, percentage wise they would be true. If these offend you, can’t say I care, just don’t take it personally.

1. Police

Check out the sections on the site for more details.

2. Construction Crews

No one else can screw a road over more than them. They close roads. They close lanes. They go on vacation after closing and f-ing up the roads with no intention on ever fixing any of it. In San Diego they built a bridge for something like 10-12 years. In World War II days they would do something like that in week(s).

3. Farm Equipment

If you’ve ever seen these, they hog road at an extremely slow speed. Often they spill over to multiple lanes. You usually only see these in rurarl areas. To be honest I almost never see them in my area. But when I’ve lived in other areas I saw them more often.

4. Wide Loads

You sometimes see these on the freeway or highways, particularlly when they are only 2 lanes. A huge semi hogs more than one lane with little trucks with orange flashers ahead/behind making sure you can’t pass them. I’ve only ran into these a few times but if you head across the country on a drive, you’re more likely to find them. It totally sucks when you do get stuck behind them.

5. Bicycles

The last thing you want to do is kill someone on a bicycle. It’s hard to claim right of way vs. bicycles too. The hard core bicycle riders pretend they are cars and hog the road while being on roads with speed limits of 55 mph+. I hate bike riders. I always use the sidewalk, bike paths, or bike lane rarely. You’re not a car. Quit trying to be a car unless there’s no other place for your bike to go. Always avoid bicycles. Change lanes or go way around them just in case they fall over in your way.

6. Cement Trucks

Try to drive one in a video game like GTA or Saint’s Row. They take an hour to accelerate just in real life. If you ever get stuck behind one, esp at a light, it will take so long to get going. You should always switch to a different lane, even if that lane has a long line of cars going way back.

7. School Buses

When the red lights turn on, everyone has to stop for the safety of the kids. Luckily I never have to deal with this because I’m always at work during school hours. But maybe someday.

8. Buses

As gas becomes more expensive, more people are taking the bus. The buses are slow as shit and stop in the right lane. At some stops they have a special area to stop but many other areas, they block the entire lane. If you’re not on top of things, you get stuck behind a stopped bus waiting for them to go or for everyone to drive by in the left lane before you can go around it.

9. Handicap Cars

Handicap drivers usually drive like they are handicaped.The usual reason is that they are often old people. Other reasons include not being able to physically control their car. Sometimes handicap people are so mad at the world and express it in their cars. The usual reason though, is old people. When you see the blue handicap sign on the license plate, RUN. Avoid them. Change lanes. They are going to hit you.

10. Vans

Read more about vans here.

11. SUVs/Trucks

Read more about Trucks/SUVs here.

12. Semis

Trucks are Slow
That’s something that is not the drivers fault but it is so if they refuse to pull over to the side of the road and let people by when they have the opportunity, which they quite often do not do.

Trucks can be dangerous to you when they are driving directly behind you. Their long breaking distance means if you suddenly stop, they may not be able to which could be deadly for you.

Trucks are dangerous on hills. When going up them, they sometimes get down to barely a crawl. In multiple lanes, this gets you down to a crawl too, this puts you in a position where you have to pass them but you’re going such a slow speed you can’t make your way safetly into the left lanes. Realize this when you’re on the other side of the coin. When you see those slow trucks with cars lugging behind them, stay away as far left as possible because you know those slow cars will be trying to get out left around them possibly trying to kill you in the process.

Trucks are very dangerous on freeway onramps. They enter the freeway at speeds as little as 45 mph when other drivers are going 80 mph+ this puts you in the exact situation as described above. Because of this if there is anything you can do to get around the truck before you get to the merge part of the onramp, do it. Better some wacky illegal move than to get killed trying to enter the freeway behind the truck. Another solution would be to pull over and let that truck get on the freeway before you make your try. That way you can make a running leep at it.

Truck drivers drive much more than us usually. The ones that drive more are quite often the nice guys who pull over to let you by and let you know when you’ve passed them. It’s the idiots who have received no training that are probably the bad ones and there seems to be quite a bit of them.

If the truck diver is nice enough to pull over or gets to the right far enough to let you pass, then give him a friendly beep beep when he goes by. The people who make me pass I generally do the opposite 🙂

Trucks are big
This makes them extremely hard to pass at times. Their long size and the slow speeds they get you going make it hard to pass them. You need a much longer passing distance than normal.

Sometimes their slow speed can push you over the edge making you attempt passes that are probably not the safest. It is because of this that they are a big enemy on the list.

13. Zoners (People from Arizona)

They come from Arizona and have no idea how to drive in California.

14. Cruising Motorcycles

You ever seen those giant bike conventions/gangs? Every so often you come across a large group of bikers. Depends on where you live. If you see them, it’s like a mile of these biotchs. There is no way in hell you can pass that many. And on top of that they never go above 65 mph. At least any I’ve seen.

15. Mopeds/Scooters

These people should be in the bike lane with their super slow vehicles. It would be safer for them. Some of them do use the bike lane. But others think they are cars or have real motorcycles and really hog up the road. You have to pass them on the right. I hate them.  The cops should be pulling them over for causing such a disruption to traffic.

14. Smart Cars

These things are tiny and if you hit them, you’ll probably kill the hippy drivers. They also enjoy going in the fast lane slow as shit somehow sticking it to you because you’re a gas guzzler for having a normal car. I even see them somtimes in the fast lane going 60-65 mph. I hate these people.

16. BMW/Mercedes

Usually it’s more BMW people, than Mercedes..

Usually there are about 3 types of those people. Group A, the minority, which is the people that stick to the slow lane, signal and drive along. My favorite group. Next, Group B, the people that drive insanely fast, cutting people off left and right, not signally ever. Group C. That Car phone talking lane hoggers. Oh you don’t mind if I take over the fast lane and jabber on the phone do you?

The common theme I notice with people that drive both type of car is most of them never signal. A random survey of 4 BMWs, 2 Mercedes on the way to work, not one of them signaled ever, no matter how many times they changed lanes. It’s almost as if they believe spending all that money on the car gives them some right to hog lanes, cut people off, and not signal. I have nothing but problems with these people everywhere I go. I really hate them 🙂

Yet another impression I get from these people is that they are snooty, as if they were better than the rest of us.

17. Front BC

You probably gotta be in California to know what I’m talking about. Those are cars from Mexico. They usually do about 10 mph and it’s a wonder they stay on the road 🙂 You’re only screwed if you get stuck behind them. Sometimes they are barely held together by duct tape. Often if you’re hit by them, you have no chance of them paying to fix anything.

2 Responses to “Enemy Vehicles”

  1. expectnothing says:

    School Buses — I used to live rurally and the freeways for 1 lane in each direction 65MPH. These busses went 55-60. Then when they had a turn, they went to 45MPH a whole 5 miles before the turn. 1 mile before the turn they went 35. And this was during the time of day when there were enough cars so you can`t pass. Then well I know a lot of drivers basically park their car to make a right turn, but these guys do it for about 200 feet, just going 1MPH. At some point I pass them.

    These drivers just like to be jerks to everyone else on the road. When I am in a hurry and these things are in front of me, I need to pass them quick or they stop for 5 minutes and then there`s cars backed up and passing so it`s then impossible to pass and soon they stop again for another 5 minutes. If there`s no way around it`s really bad.


    What are Front BC? I checked wikipedia and google and couldn`t find even a photo. I don`t know if this is a car, truck, or Mexican donkey.

    Smart Cars — The gas are 0-60 in 12 seconds. The electric are 0-60 in 6 seconds so the electric don`t have horrible acceleration like the gas ones. The newer ones are supposed to have good crash protection. I don`t have one, I have just researched them.


  2. expectnothing says:

    @ Construction Vehicles:

    I used to think they were annoying as heck too, then I lived in Delaware for a year. Wow, down there, construction vehicles are so low priority it’s not even funny. I once saw them tear up a 10 mile stretch of Rt 81 and completely repath it while replacing four road bridges with wider ones in 1 month.

    After that, I realized construction vehicles are very much a state issue. Given, I’ve seen another state have a better Department of Transportation as Delaware >.>


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    • Sick_of_A$$Hats_on_the_road on:
      OMG - I haven't laughed so hard in a long, long time!! This was brilliant, JDP 2005!! I realize it's from 2014 ... I'm only now seeing it. Loved it!! Totally relate to all!
    • Disillusioned_CA_Transplant on:
      Hey, I'm liberal, but I'm an intelligent, east-coast liberal who moved here and I agree with everything you posted except the liberal part ... they are mostly mindless morons - but this goes beyond politics. I too have driven in just about every state in the Union and overseas. Although most states have their fair share of asshole drivers who have many of the bad habits listed above (FL especially), CA seems to have them ALL, and then some!! Ugh.
    • John Carponti on:
      I wish that Cali drivers would stay in California and not come to Las Vegas, Nevada! They are some of the worst drivers I have seen and generally make driving on the I-15 miserable. They seem to think that the speed limit signs don't apply to them. When they leave Vegas and head South on I-15 they jam and back up the Interstate near Primm for hours because all these morons all leave at the same time on Sunday. When it gets backed up they act like the emergency lane is their own private express lane and utilize it illegally. Truth be known, here in Las Vegas we hate people who come here from California. Do us a favor, stay where you are and don't come here. Trust me, we think of you as the a-holes you are.
    • Koko on:
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    • Koko on:
      Top Other Enemies
      In Oregon it's the California drivers and tourists that drive me insane, like no, it's not OK to drive slowly in the left lane when there is only two lanes.and one lane is pilled up with semi trucks, My town has been invaded with s.Californians and have ruined the driving experience. They'll stop in the middle,soft he road to take pictures of deer. They'll take up literally every parking spot down town, cut you off on the freeway even though no on is behind you. Use their phones because they for some reason think it's legal in Oregon, as if we are that backwards and behind in times. Text and drive. And drive like complete a holes because they can't figure out how to bet around in a small town where literally every road gets you where you need to go.
    • Miles on:
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    • Laura on:
      THANK YOU!! I couldn't agree with you more! I just moved here from Kirkland, WA last July and I'm already thinking about moving back. I'm already sick of all the people here in California that have such self entitlement attitudes and such disregard for life they think the traffic laws don't apply to them. Since I've been here I've almost been in several accidents and almost been run over in a crosswalk but these people don't care! They are reckless A$$holes!!
    • Laura on:
      Totally agree!! I moved here not even a year ago and I'm already thinking about moving back!
    • JANE DOE on:
    • BT on:
      Hey, I'm stuck in CA driving with these idiots all the time. But you can't complain if you're from TX about CA drivers, although it is the only TX place I have been, Houston drivers are just as bad.
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    I’ve driven in California since 1991. I’ve spent many trips running up and down the state as well as driving in many other states. After all of this driving, I became fed up with how bad California drivers on. I wanted to point out what they do to either help change a few drivers or at least entertain the rest of the world with Californian’s horrible driving.

    I’m located in Orange County in a couple of the richest areas. I see every type of car that is out there in this area. It’s like a car show. Going to a car show isn’t exciting anymore because you see most of the cars driving around anyway. I also work at a place where people buy all the different types of cars. We have Lamborghinis, Ferraris, Lotus, etc. So you can even see a lot of the cars in the work parking lot.

    Disclaimer: You’re on your own with these tips. They are not the official law and in no way represent what you should be doing should a cop pull you over.

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