Enemy Vehicles

A large part of succeeding at driving is knowing what to expect out of people. You must know what people are going to do or are capable of doing. Know their every move and how to counter it.

The following page lists certain types of cars and actions according to past experience driving in California, Michigan and cross country. There are exceptions to everything so none of these are set in stone, I would just make a bet that overall, percentage wise they would be true. If these offend you, can’t say I care, just don’t take it personally.

1. Police

Check out the sections on the site for more details.

2. Construction Crews

No one else can screw a road over more than them. They close roads. They close lanes. They go on vacation after closing and f-ing up the roads with no intention on ever fixing any of it. In San Diego they built a bridge for something like 10-12 years. In World War II days they would do something like that in week(s).

3. Farm Equipment

If you’ve ever seen these, they hog road at an extremely slow speed. Often they spill over to multiple lanes. You usually only see these in rurarl areas. To be honest I almost never see them in my area. But when I’ve lived in other areas I saw them more often.

4. Wide Loads

You sometimes see these on the freeway or highways, particularlly when they are only 2 lanes. A huge semi hogs more than one lane with little trucks with orange flashers ahead/behind making sure you can’t pass them. I’ve only ran into these a few times but if you head across the country on a drive, you’re more likely to find them. It totally sucks when you do get stuck behind them.

5. Bicycles

The last thing you want to do is kill someone on a bicycle. It’s hard to claim right of way vs. bicycles too. The hard core bicycle riders pretend they are cars and hog the road while being on roads with speed limits of 55 mph+. I hate bike riders. I always use the sidewalk, bike paths, or bike lane rarely. You’re not a car. Quit trying to be a car unless there’s no other place for your bike to go. Always avoid bicycles. Change lanes or go way around them just in case they fall over in your way.

6. Cement Trucks

Try to drive one in a video game like GTA or Saint’s Row. They take an hour to accelerate just in real life. If you ever get stuck behind one, esp at a light, it will take so long to get going. You should always switch to a different lane, even if that lane has a long line of cars going way back.

7. School Buses

When the red lights turn on, everyone has to stop for the safety of the kids. Luckily I never have to deal with this because I’m always at work during school hours. But maybe someday.

8. Buses

As gas becomes more expensive, more people are taking the bus. The buses are slow as shit and stop in the right lane. At some stops they have a special area to stop but many other areas, they block the entire lane. If you’re not on top of things, you get stuck behind a stopped bus waiting for them to go or for everyone to drive by in the left lane before you can go around it.

9. Handicap Cars

Handicap drivers usually drive like they are handicaped.The usual reason is that they are often old people. Other reasons include not being able to physically control their car. Sometimes handicap people are so mad at the world and express it in their cars. The usual reason though, is old people. When you see the blue handicap sign on the license plate, RUN. Avoid them. Change lanes. They are going to hit you.

10. Vans

Read more about vans here.

11. SUVs/Trucks

Read more about Trucks/SUVs here.

12. Semis

Trucks are Slow
That’s something that is not the drivers fault but it is so if they refuse to pull over to the side of the road and let people by when they have the opportunity, which they quite often do not do.

Trucks can be dangerous to you when they are driving directly behind you. Their long breaking distance means if you suddenly stop, they may not be able to which could be deadly for you.

Trucks are dangerous on hills. When going up them, they sometimes get down to barely a crawl. In multiple lanes, this gets you down to a crawl too, this puts you in a position where you have to pass them but you’re going such a slow speed you can’t make your way safetly into the left lanes. Realize this when you’re on the other side of the coin. When you see those slow trucks with cars lugging behind them, stay away as far left as possible because you know those slow cars will be trying to get out left around them possibly trying to kill you in the process.

Trucks are very dangerous on freeway onramps. They enter the freeway at speeds as little as 45 mph when other drivers are going 80 mph+ this puts you in the exact situation as described above. Because of this if there is anything you can do to get around the truck before you get to the merge part of the onramp, do it. Better some wacky illegal move than to get killed trying to enter the freeway behind the truck. Another solution would be to pull over and let that truck get on the freeway before you make your try. That way you can make a running leep at it.

Truck drivers drive much more than us usually. The ones that drive more are quite often the nice guys who pull over to let you by and let you know when you’ve passed them. It’s the idiots who have received no training that are probably the bad ones and there seems to be quite a bit of them.

If the truck diver is nice enough to pull over or gets to the right far enough to let you pass, then give him a friendly beep beep when he goes by. The people who make me pass I generally do the opposite 🙂

Trucks are big
This makes them extremely hard to pass at times. Their long size and the slow speeds they get you going make it hard to pass them. You need a much longer passing distance than normal.

Sometimes their slow speed can push you over the edge making you attempt passes that are probably not the safest. It is because of this that they are a big enemy on the list.

13. Zoners (People from Arizona)

They come from Arizona and have no idea how to drive in California.

14. Cruising Motorcycles

You ever seen those giant bike conventions/gangs? Every so often you come across a large group of bikers. Depends on where you live. If you see them, it’s like a mile of these biotchs. There is no way in hell you can pass that many. And on top of that they never go above 65 mph. At least any I’ve seen.

15. Mopeds/Scooters

These people should be in the bike lane with their super slow vehicles. It would be safer for them. Some of them do use the bike lane. But others think they are cars or have real motorcycles and really hog up the road. You have to pass them on the right. I hate them.  The cops should be pulling them over for causing such a disruption to traffic.

14. Smart Cars

These things are tiny and if you hit them, you’ll probably kill the hippy drivers. They also enjoy going in the fast lane slow as shit somehow sticking it to you because you’re a gas guzzler for having a normal car. I even see them somtimes in the fast lane going 60-65 mph. I hate these people.

16. BMW/Mercedes

Usually it’s more BMW people, than Mercedes..

Usually there are about 3 types of those people. Group A, the minority, which is the people that stick to the slow lane, signal and drive along. My favorite group. Next, Group B, the people that drive insanely fast, cutting people off left and right, not signally ever. Group C. That Car phone talking lane hoggers. Oh you don’t mind if I take over the fast lane and jabber on the phone do you?

The common theme I notice with people that drive both type of car is most of them never signal. A random survey of 4 BMWs, 2 Mercedes on the way to work, not one of them signaled ever, no matter how many times they changed lanes. It’s almost as if they believe spending all that money on the car gives them some right to hog lanes, cut people off, and not signal. I have nothing but problems with these people everywhere I go. I really hate them 🙂

Yet another impression I get from these people is that they are snooty, as if they were better than the rest of us.

17. Front BC

You probably gotta be in California to know what I’m talking about. Those are cars from Mexico. They usually do about 10 mph and it’s a wonder they stay on the road 🙂 You’re only screwed if you get stuck behind them. Sometimes they are barely held together by duct tape. Often if you’re hit by them, you have no chance of them paying to fix anything.

2 Responses to “Enemy Vehicles”

  1. expectnothing says:

    School Buses — I used to live rurally and the freeways for 1 lane in each direction 65MPH. These busses went 55-60. Then when they had a turn, they went to 45MPH a whole 5 miles before the turn. 1 mile before the turn they went 35. And this was during the time of day when there were enough cars so you can`t pass. Then well I know a lot of drivers basically park their car to make a right turn, but these guys do it for about 200 feet, just going 1MPH. At some point I pass them.

    These drivers just like to be jerks to everyone else on the road. When I am in a hurry and these things are in front of me, I need to pass them quick or they stop for 5 minutes and then there`s cars backed up and passing so it`s then impossible to pass and soon they stop again for another 5 minutes. If there`s no way around it`s really bad.


    What are Front BC? I checked wikipedia and google and couldn`t find even a photo. I don`t know if this is a car, truck, or Mexican donkey.

    Smart Cars — The gas are 0-60 in 12 seconds. The electric are 0-60 in 6 seconds so the electric don`t have horrible acceleration like the gas ones. The newer ones are supposed to have good crash protection. I don`t have one, I have just researched them.


  2. expectnothing says:

    @ Construction Vehicles:

    I used to think they were annoying as heck too, then I lived in Delaware for a year. Wow, down there, construction vehicles are so low priority it’s not even funny. I once saw them tear up a 10 mile stretch of Rt 81 and completely repath it while replacing four road bridges with wider ones in 1 month.

    After that, I realized construction vehicles are very much a state issue. Given, I’ve seen another state have a better Department of Transportation as Delaware >.>


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    • Englishman on:
      I'm a Brit and I've been saying this for years, now I find a whole website devoted to the subject. I feel vindicated! Having driven quite a lot of miles on the roads of about 28 US states, the moment you get into California everything changes! Anything goes on the roads there, you have to adopt a completely different style of driving just to accommodate their sheer lunacy! It's probably the stress of living in a sate where everyone likes to think they're a hippy when most of them are just a bunch of wage-slaves on the corporate merry-go-round!
    • Cam on:
      I was born in Washington. WSP. I lived near Shelton. Near their police academy. They use Highland road to practice on speeders. They lowered the speed limit on the road to write tickets. If California is too lenient Washington is too strict. We moved to California. A much better place to live and drive. Washington is full of vindictive drivers. California is not. If you live in California do as the Romans. We adapted it works.
    • Zach on:
      I kinda feel like part of the reason California drivers suck is because they are in such a rush to get where there going they put other people at risk by doing a bunch of risky manouvers. So the guy in the vans an idiot, you know intentionally cutting him off close isn't going to make him not do that shit anymore. If people just learned to let shit go traffick would go faster because there would be less accidents.
    • NoLoveForCali on:
      Agreed. Freaking idiots.
    • NoLoveForCali on:
      I wish they would leave TX, too. Jerks.
    • Auchoo on:
      I know some very sweet people who drive like they just got behind the wheel, or as if they don't understand the laws of motion. I also know some very stressed people who drive like fools. I likely drive too fast at times, but I don't tailgate or weave or cut people off. I go with the general flow of traffic. I get angry when speed demons drive in the slow lanes and when slugs drive in the fast lane. Why? They're creating a perfect storm for accidents. We have no CHP. Or it seems that way. I can drive for months, for hundreds, thousands of miles, and NEVER see a CHP. Assanine law makers REFUSE to send us the money to hire more CHP. It's been an issue for decades. As the bureaucrats allow more illegals and unskilled drivers to drive on our roads and highways, and fail to deal with those who text and drive, and fail to police our hwys, we will continue to have sucky, dangerous roads, and people will continue to be killed on the hwy. Want change? Vote out the current law makers. The are blind bats.
    • dresden on:
      If you want to go slow. Law states slow traffic to move to the right. No one owns the road. Also be mindful some people may have emergencies like a pregnancy.
    • dresden on:
      So you admit you turn in front of people going the speed limit and force them to slow down? Sounds like your just another control freak who just has to mess with traffic. I haven't seen you cite any creative ideas to help everyone win. Here's an idea to help. Wait until its reasonably clear before you pull in front of people as tye dmv book states in many states. I even cited above a law too. You haven't cited anytbing. Sounds like your also a problem too. Demon speeders and control freaks who want to pull in front of people and stay in the left most lane for "freeway changes". You know they usually have a few lanes for you to be in (if you read the arrows on the sign) and there are usually two or three. So you can still pick a right slower lane even for freeway changes. So I think your just making excuses like a typical Californian to just mess with people and justify it. Your just as much a bully and just as much ignorant of the law. I am not siding with the author, but I also think you help continue to problems. I hope that on day when you have an emergency that someone goes slow in front of you and just holds you up so hopefully on the off chance you may gain self awareness that there's more than just you in the world. Selfishness has little to no value in society. Which means selfish boisterous and rude people like you are a cancer to society.
    • dresden on:
      Remember that when you have an emergency that involves a family members life. Or when someone fails to yeild and holds up the ambulance. I Can't wait till I move to Idaho (they don't drive fast there), because they follow proper lane laws. If you think you own the road because because r vindicated in your opinion that your driving slower than the speed limit. Your no better than the demon speeders and your judgement is not only a futile double standard argument, it's also just as disrespectful to others just as much as driving like a dope fuel dragster jerk. So get see self awareness or just expect people like me to just challenge the weak foundation of your self righteousness with grandiose feeling of highfalutin narcissistic and just as selfish thinking. Make your freeway change and afterwords get over to the slow lane where the law states you belong. Dmv book, read it son.
    • dresden on:
      I was born and raised in Cali, and have moved to and from Cali. Served my country and went to Korea (2014), no thanks needed. Before I lived in Idaho I enjoyed Cali (due to the tropical area we lived). After I came back to Cali, I just don't get it anymore. As a native, I wonder how they learned these balehaviours and how I missed them. Every time we drive we always have to drive defensively. Is there something in the water? Is it cause they are spoiled and pampered princesses? Quite a few of you hit the nail on the head. Do me a favor, spread the word about this. Perhaps years and years f a propeganda campaign on poor Cali driving may help brainwash them to want to change it to fight the offensive label. Use social media to politicize it until they are tired of hearing it and change. Usually if you label a group of people, they fight to change it. Look at every race in history and their struggles.

  • About

    I’ve driven in California since 1991. I’ve spent many trips running up and down the state as well as driving in many other states. After all of this driving, I became fed up with how bad California drivers on. I wanted to point out what they do to either help change a few drivers or at least entertain the rest of the world with Californian’s horrible driving.

    I’m located in Orange County in a couple of the richest areas. I see every type of car that is out there in this area. It’s like a car show. Going to a car show isn’t exciting anymore because you see most of the cars driving around anyway. I also work at a place where people buy all the different types of cars. We have Lamborghinis, Ferraris, Lotus, etc. So you can even see a lot of the cars in the work parking lot.

    Disclaimer: You’re on your own with these tips. They are not the official law and in no way represent what you should be doing should a cop pull you over.

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