My Tickets

My Tickets…

Ticket 1 (1994)
It took them 4 years to get me. Here’s how they did it. I had to pick my roommate up at the air port and he went to an air port he didn’t normally fly in from so I went to the wrong one. So I was rushing to get to the right one. I went to Oakland instead of San Francisco. I had just paid the toll on the bay bridge when the cop was on my tail. CHP. I didn’t have anywhere to pull over so I road the length of the bridge and pulled over. I asked him if he wanted my registration, I had never got pulled over before. He said nah he already ran my plates on the bridge. He asks me if I was a criminal law student or something. I said nope. Maybe I shoulda. He said that because I did everything right. I read a book called “A speeder’s guide to avoiding tickets” It turns out the bridge was a 50 mph and I was doing like 85. He marked it down to 65 mph probably cuz I did all that crap in the book 🙂 I went to traffic school and it didn’t go on my record. The ticket
was $106. I guess they have that bridge rigged with cameras and the toll booth guy ratted me out. That’s just like cops, always doing it dirty.

Ticket 2 (1997)
In Michigan. Me and Warp were driving back from getting pizza when I round this corner into Andrews town. I was slowing down when the cop hit me with his radar. I didn’t have a dectector cuz those bitches stole it the other summer. I was slowing down too, I think he got me like 75 in a 55, I was going like 100  hahaha. The guy looked just like Newman on Seinfeld. He gave me all the usual, talking about danger blah blah. Yeah dude whatever. So after he gave me the ticket (He knew he couldn’t do jack crap to a Californian in Michigan) he took of like 80 mph to go to, GET THIS, the donut shop. Well there was one in the gas station he went to 🙂 Bitch. The cops near my college were so dirty. I would hear stories all the time of the crap they pulled. They were the kinda cops that drop a bag of dope on you saying OH look what I found 🙂 That one didn’t go on my record either as far as I know.

Ticket 3 (1999)
I was driving along in Irvine racing a girl in a Honda. After beating her, a Motorcycle Cop (the worst kind of cop) was sitting with his bike behind a Stop Light pole hit me with laser. Like a damn smiper. As he hit me, my V1 went off with a laser warning but by then there’s nothing you can do. Detectors are not the answer to Laser. He then told me I was doing like 72 in a 50 which was a total lie. I was at most in the lower 60s. Right after he pulled me over he got someone else at work and wrote down the same exact speed on his ticket 72 in a 50 proving he’s a lying pig. The guy at work took his ticket and mine to court and got out of his but I just went to traffic school. I should have fought it. Those Irvine Moto Cops are mo fos. I added a K-40 Laser Jammer afterwards in my old car.

Ticket #4 (November, 2005 – 9am)
I had just left my dads and got on I-80 west to San Francisco. I went into a big ticket area. I think my dad told me but I forgot. I was cruising in and out between the cars at 85+. A CHiP finally caught me. He was super mad because he had to work so hard to catch me. I didn’t see him otherwise I would have slowed down and made it easier to catch me. He runs over and goes “Tell me why I shouldn’t arrest you right now!” I just played dumb and acted like I had no idea what I’m doing. When he looked up my license he saw it was clean. So he sticks me with “unsafe lane change” and Speeding 85 in 65. This was 9 hour drive from my house. So what I did was just delay the ticket and drove up to my dads. I went to court and thought that’s the time where the cop shows up and if they miss it, you get off. But instead that was just the time when you go guilty or not and ask for a court date. But everyone before me was saying guilty and the judge was giving huge discounts on their tickets. Some people said they don’t have any money and he knocked off even more. So I said guilty and he took off the unsafe lane change and knocked about $200 off the ticket and I got traffic school. I did an online traffic school and because it’s web, I did it in like 1-2 hours. I totally recommend going to court and seeing if you can get your ticket reduced.

Ticket #5 (April 2007)
Not really a ticket but he busted me for speeding then stuck me with something else and left off the speeding. Ultimately I used a lawyer to get out any fines  except the lawyer fee.

Escapes

I’ve got pulled over a ton and I get off often.

Escape #1 (1997)
I got pulled over one other time. He asked me that question they learn to ask in pig school “Do you know how fast you were going?” This is a trick question to get you to admit to speeding or to deny it. But you get out of this question by saying “no I wasn’t paying attention” They hate it when you answer this way because they have no way of disproving that you were not paying attention. The cop then goes into the story about how dangerous it is to be going 50 in a 35 (yeah whatever) to which you sit there with this awe look on your face like you’re buying it. Since he couldn’t get me to admit to doing anything and he didn’t have radar so he had to let me go. He started to walk away and I was waiting for the ticket, so I said “is that it?” He said “oh why you want more?” I said no. and he left. Pig.

Escape #2 (2004?)
I had a carload of people coming back from LA on the 405. We were cruising in the carpool lane at like 80-85. A CHiP pulled us over. I pulled off to the side. They made me get out and do a drunk driving test (just walking around). Then at the end, let us go. Awesome!

Escape #3 (2007)
Irvine is one of the 10 safest cities. So there are a ton of cops and nothing to do. They say the cops are super bored. So they pull over people randomly and double cars on you like you’re about to attack them. One night I’m in my sweats and I was driving from one apartment to another across the street. I took off and a cop pulls me over. He tried to say I didn’t complete to a complete stop in my apartment complex. This area is not a public street so I can do whatever I want. The stop sign there is optional. They then proceeded to dig through my engine and under my car to discover two illegal mods. See they make up some bullshit reason to pull you over and hope they will catch you on other things like alcohol, drugs, illegal car mods, etc. What assholes. It’s no different than the Europe secret police. They threatened to two my car. I played dumb and said my friend did the mods (which was technically true). They said if I’m caught they would tow me. So essentially I did nothing and they just harassed me because they were bored. They didn’t give me a ticket or anything. But I went and removed those two mods (at my expense) because I was scared and lost 10 hp.

Escape #4 (Oct, 2011)
I see about 3-5 miles ahead there’s a cop that has pulled someone over. I think to myself, oh they’re going to go after me next. So I should have done a U-TURN and chose another road. But I continued on. Just as I was about to pass the cop, he gets done with the person he pulled over and did a U-TURN and starts following me. He pulled me over and asked me a bunch of questions. He said I had a light out on my license plate and that I had tinted windows. I said I had an appointment to get them removed already. I asked to look at the license plate and yeah it was out. I thanked him and he let me go without anything because he was just fishing. I had done nothing wrong.


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    • John Carponti on:
      Why?
      I wish that Cali drivers would stay in California and not come to Las Vegas, Nevada! They are some of the worst drivers I have seen and generally make driving on the I-15 miserable. They seem to think that the speed limit signs don't apply to them. When they leave Vegas and head South on I-15 they jam and back up the Interstate near Primm for hours because all these morons all leave at the same time on Sunday. When it gets backed up they act like the emergency lane is their own private express lane and utilize it illegally. Truth be known, here in Las Vegas we hate people who come here from California. Do us a favor, stay where you are and don't come here. Trust me, we think of you as the a-holes you are.
    • Koko on:
      Top Other Enemies
      In my area Subaru drivers and Honda drivers are the worst.
    • Koko on:
      Top Other Enemies
      In Oregon it's the California drivers and tourists that drive me insane, like no, it's not OK to drive slowly in the left lane when there is only two lanes.and one lane is pilled up with semi trucks, My town has been invaded with s.Californians and have ruined the driving experience. They'll stop in the middle,soft he road to take pictures of deer. They'll take up literally every parking spot down town, cut you off on the freeway even though no on is behind you. Use their phones because they for some reason think it's legal in Oregon, as if we are that backwards and behind in times. Text and drive. And drive like complete a holes because they can't figure out how to bet around in a small town where literally every road gets you where you need to go.
    • Miles on:
      Asian Drivers
      parker ain't wrong though lol
    • Laura on:
      Why?
      THANK YOU!! I couldn't agree with you more! I just moved here from Kirkland, WA last July and I'm already thinking about moving back. I'm already sick of all the people here in California that have such self entitlement attitudes and such disregard for life they think the traffic laws don't apply to them. Since I've been here I've almost been in several accidents and almost been run over in a crosswalk but these people don't care! They are reckless A$$holes!!
    • Laura on:
      Why?
      Totally agree!! I moved here not even a year ago and I'm already thinking about moving back!
    • JANE DOE on:
      Why?
      I DO LIVE IN CALIFORNIA AND I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT YOU ALL COULDNT BE MORE RIGHT. CALIFORNIA DRIVERS DO SUCK AND IF YOU DONT LIKE IT MOVE, CAUSE THEY ARE HERE TO STAY.
    • BT on:
      Why?
      Hey, I'm stuck in CA driving with these idiots all the time. But you can't complain if you're from TX about CA drivers, although it is the only TX place I have been, Houston drivers are just as bad.
    • Dee on:
      Asian Drivers
      Parker must be Asian...."they drives suck"?
    • Rodney Hood on:
      Why?
      WHY? Because 90% of them are MEXICANS. Majority of them dont have a license and carry fake id. Its their culture thats how they drive.
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    I’ve driven in California since 1991. I’ve spent many trips running up and down the state as well as driving in many other states. After all of this driving, I became fed up with how bad California drivers on. I wanted to point out what they do to either help change a few drivers or at least entertain the rest of the world with Californian’s horrible driving.

    I’m located in Orange County in a couple of the richest areas. I see every type of car that is out there in this area. It’s like a car show. Going to a car show isn’t exciting anymore because you see most of the cars driving around anyway. I also work at a place where people buy all the different types of cars. We have Lamborghinis, Ferraris, Lotus, etc. So you can even see a lot of the cars in the work parking lot.

    Disclaimer: You’re on your own with these tips. They are not the official law and in no way represent what you should be doing should a cop pull you over.

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