Vans

After 3+ months of over 1,000 miles a week, I think I now have discovered why vans do what they do. First let me say this doesn’t apply to all vans. There are always exceptions, this applies more to family vans. Work vans usually drive plenty fast.

Minivans are Road Hogs

Take a trip from L.A. to San Francisco. You’ll see one common thing, dipships in minivans in the fast lane, driving slow. 47/50 they will make you pass them on the right, very very rarely will you see them pull over to let you by. It doesn’t matter how empty the lanes are ahead, always the left lane, always slow.

For some reason the second minivans get on the road they head straight to the very fast lane and drive slow. I have no idea what makes them do this. I guess you could say just because they are idiots.

There are exceptions to this, work vans often do not apply. Instead of some family person (usually a woman) with a bunch of kids in the car who must drive safe (by hogging the lanes and driving slow) you have guys with real jobs and places to go that quite often drive your speed or faster.

Minivans enjoy cutting you off.

Yet another thing they can claim. On their way to the fast lane to drive slow (sometimes crossing 4 lanes to get there) they love to cut you off often times not even using their turn signals. You could blame this on the difficulty in seeing cars around them due to large blind spots, but not really when they have these magical devices known as MIRRORS.

Why?

It always bugged the hell out of me. Why are almost all vans like this? Then I got a chance to ride in a van and It all became so clear….

The basic reason why vans hog the fast lane and cut you off is because they are inconsiderate clueless morons but you can’t leave it at that. Let’s look closer.

Van people are scared to change lanes.

This is the core of the problem. The van people are either not skilled enough or are too wuss to do the job that gets them there at a fast rate: changing lanes. Just look at them, they look around and just wing it and hope for the best.

Van people want to be in the fast lane.

If you watch the van people, they head straight for the fast lane ASAP. Some of them look before they pass, others just ram there way there. Thankfully more look than not but the basic result is the same. Fast lane hoggers.

Van people want to get there the fastest and with the least trouble

That’s what the van people say that I and my friends have talked to. Their goal is to work their way into the fast lane because from there they can simply drive to get to their destination. It is their belief that the fast lane is some magicial lane that will get them there faster. The problem is and this makes me laugh, lots of other vans/big trucks have the same idea and they slow each other down, while I cruise along past them in the other lanes.

Van people have no situational awareness

Once they get to their fast lane, you will notice most have no idea what’s going on around them. They seem to only be concerned with what is ahead in their lane and what is going on in their van. Just go around them on the right and cut in. They sit there like it didn’t even happen even when the majority of traffic is doing it. It’s like they have no idea they are holding anyone up and if they do they simply don’t care. Smart or considerate people would get out of the way and occasionally on a blue moon I see a van do that. And I go NO WAY!

You won’t see this out of all vans but I see this out of the majority of vans in the fast lane. I believe the above conclusions are true.

Counter Moves.

There is nothing you can do to change these people. They are idiots and I know there’s nothing on the road for you to do to change them. But understanding their twisted logic goes a long way into making them less annoying 🙂

I enjoy passing these people on the right and cutting back in really close to scare them. Sure it’s not the safest thing to do but it makes me feel a little revenged. 🙂 A good flip off gesture never hurts either.

 

4 Responses to “Vans”

  1. expectnothing says:

    I recently re-read your article on minivans, and still find it to be mostly true. However, I have found that some mini-vans are actually worth driving (I still don’t really want to drive them though). For instance, the newer Ford Windstars are easy to see out of, and have some nice acceleration (Our’s is supposed to be 9.2 seconds from 0 to 60, but I can do it in 6.4 in ours 🙂 . Anyway, I think the majority of the problems with vans is that they _do_ feel ‘tippy’ (you’re sitting almost right above the wheels, of course it does!) and there is no actual comfort in one, they force you to sit in a way that causes tension–you sit with almost a forced perfect posture, something that is not relaxing. They also usually have weird layouts for all of the buttons (radio, heating/air conditioning, etc.) placed at an odd angle where you cannot see them peripherally and have to divert your eyes for a moment so you can see where the buttons are.Minivans would be sooo much more comfortable if they set the driver lower (in the seat) and then moved the driver backwards, so all of the controls were accessible to them.

    Currently they’re almost as bad as speed sensitive steering…

    -NOE

  2. expectnothing says:

    I read your page on minivans and being a part time minivan driver(when my car goes out the mini is my backup) I would like to shed some more light on the subject. The first real problem with minivans is that they have the pickup of a turtle. I swear it takes like 20 secs just to get to 65 sometimes. The second real problem are those blind spots. Even with mirrors you have these huge blindspots. When looking both ways at an intersection I usually have to lean forward and back just to see if there is any oncoming traffic. And looking around to see if it is safe to switch lanes, forget about it, it’s almost impossible. The last problem is that they take turns so bad it’s sick. For some reason it always feels like you’re gonna tip it over because they are so tall and bulky. I don’t know many people that can turn very well with those things.Capen Apple

  3. expectnothing says:

    I was on my out of my neighboorhood and there was a minivan in front of me. The minivan went to make a right and waited for the main street to clear a little, but she (the driver of the minivan) fit right into the minivan driver mold. She went straight to the fast lane (leftmost lane) and held up oncoming traffic by going 30 in a 45. I dusted her in the right lane until I got up to speed and saw like 3 cars pass her. She never got the clue either… she never sped up, she seemed happy going 30 in a 45 in the fast lane holding every one up… Minivan drivers suck.tile

    This confirms it, mini van drivers can’t drive. I’m drivin down the street today, all mindin my own business…when some lady in a mini van makes a left turn. She did one of those things where you stop in the middle in the turn lane. But instead of stopping in the middle like a normal person does…she starts to make the left turn but stops in front of me…in my damn lane…and to make matters worse theres snow on the ground so I can’t stop nearly as fast as I would be able to….I slammed my brakes on so that the car to the right would pass and swerved right and way around and barely avoided an accident….I gave her a little finger action..she deserved it…mini van drivers make me mad, and I don’t know what it is but they all can’t drive…

    -Anonymous

  4. Zach says:

    I kinda feel like part of the reason California drivers suck is because they are in such a rush to get where there going they put other people at risk by doing a bunch of risky manouvers. So the guy in the vans an idiot, you know intentionally cutting him off close isn’t going to make him not do that shit anymore. If people just learned to let shit go traffick would go faster because there would be less accidents.


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    I’ve driven in California since 1991. I’ve spent many trips running up and down the state as well as driving in many other states. After all of this driving, I became fed up with how bad California drivers on. I wanted to point out what they do to either help change a few drivers or at least entertain the rest of the world with Californian’s horrible driving.

    I’m located in Orange County in a couple of the richest areas. I see every type of car that is out there in this area. It’s like a car show. Going to a car show isn’t exciting anymore because you see most of the cars driving around anyway. I also work at a place where people buy all the different types of cars. We have Lamborghinis, Ferraris, Lotus, etc. So you can even see a lot of the cars in the work parking lot.

    Disclaimer: You’re on your own with these tips. They are not the official law and in no way represent what you should be doing should a cop pull you over.

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