Washing Your Car

First go to Weather.com or similar and see if it’s going to rain soon. The weather will always say it’s ok then rain the next day. If you’re lucky you have a garage to, put your car in and maybe protect it from the rain.

Your dad should have taught you how to wash your car by now. Just go buy a bucket (Target/Walmart) and a big sponge. Then go to your sink, heat up the water to max, and pour a little dish soap in the bucket. Fill it up. Then walk it out to your car. For your hose, you need one of those nozzles that lets you switch the format of the water as it comes out (stream, spray, jet, etc). You also need to go buy a chamois. They sell them at Target or a auto part store. They have fake and real ones. I can’t remember which is best but I think I have the fake one. That’s what you use to dry your car. I think I made the mistake of buying a real one the first time and it doesn’t work as well.

Now use the hose and get your car all wet. Try to wash your car around sundown. Avoid washing when it’s really hot out or it dries too fast. Either do it in the morning or evening. After the car is wet, then start soaping up. Slowly go around the car getting all of the body, roof, and windows. If the soap starts to dry, get out the hose and wash it down again. Then go back to soaping. Make sure you  get your headlights and license plate. If there’s bugs all over, scrub hard. They sell this bottle of bug/tar remover. You can buy it at Target or auto part store. Get your hood. Note all of the damage on your car so next time you can see if there’s any new spots. If you run out of water in your bucket, go make more. Each time squeeze the sponge outside of the bucket, then put it down in the soap, squeeze it over the bucket. Then take the sponge and wash. Don’t squeeze the sponge with the dirty/washed water over your bucket of clean water/soap.

When you have finished all of the body, windows, and roof. Now it’s time to do the last step, the wheels. The wheels are super dirty so do them last or your sponge will get all nasty. Do both the wheels and the tires. When you’re all done with the soap, rinse the car off again.

Now it’s time to dry. Take your hose and spray the chamois just a little to get it wet. Then start drying with it. As the chamois gets to wet, ring it out. They do have a device like an old style clothes ringer that can be used. I’ve always wanted to buy them. Car washes have them. Otherwise, just use your hands. You have to dry fast otherwise the car will be covered in water spots. If it’s really hot out, you have to rince another time before drying otherwise you’ll get spots.

Now it’s time for the next step, the HARD work. Get out some paper towels and windex. Go around the the car and use Windex on the windows. It should only take 2 towels per window max. Start wadding up the towels and throw them into the same area to clean up later. Go buy a tiny stool (I got one at Costco) and then use it to sit and work on tires. Use the Windex on the wheels (but not tires). Next you need some tire spray. Go buy it at an auto part store or Target. You can also use Armorall. Spray it around the tire to make the tires shine.

The last step, which most people don’t know, is go get some Maguires Quick Detailer and spray it on the car in little blocks and use a towel to wipe over it. This removes all of the water spots that you might have. I’ve had the same bottle since like 1999.

Now it’s time to clean up. Pour your bucket out. Gather your trash and throw it away. Gather your cleaning supplies and leave them out to dry. The whole process can take as long as 1 1/2 to 2 hours if you do it correctly.


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      OMG - I haven't laughed so hard in a long, long time!! This was brilliant, JDP 2005!! I realize it's from 2014 ... I'm only now seeing it. Loved it!! Totally relate to all!
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    I’ve driven in California since 1991. I’ve spent many trips running up and down the state as well as driving in many other states. After all of this driving, I became fed up with how bad California drivers on. I wanted to point out what they do to either help change a few drivers or at least entertain the rest of the world with Californian’s horrible driving.

    I’m located in Orange County in a couple of the richest areas. I see every type of car that is out there in this area. It’s like a car show. Going to a car show isn’t exciting anymore because you see most of the cars driving around anyway. I also work at a place where people buy all the different types of cars. We have Lamborghinis, Ferraris, Lotus, etc. So you can even see a lot of the cars in the work parking lot.

    Disclaimer: You’re on your own with these tips. They are not the official law and in no way represent what you should be doing should a cop pull you over.

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