Much of this is taken from “A Speeder’s Guide to Avoiding Tickets” by SGT. James M. Eagan.
How to Pull Over
Once you’ve been caught, or you think you have been caught. Ditch that Radar Detector. If you’re smart you put it somewhere where you can easily grab it and hide it. I used to put mine left of the steering wheel in the bottom let corner of my windshield where people behind can’t see it. The only prob with that is I think it hurts performance/range, and the cop is SURE to see it there when they stop you if you don’t take it off. If you do decide to take off your Radar detector, make sure you remove everything, and get rid of the suction marks on the windshield and replace that cigarette lighter. All things I’m told cops look for. Maybe it’s just best to put your Radar detector in the top of your rear view mirror with it dimmed and muted (Make sure you at least mute it!)
If the cop sees you doing any of this, you’re even more screwed because they might think it’s a gun or you’re trying to hide drugs or something. The reasoning behind this is that if a cop sees your Radar Detector, it pisses them off and they know you’re up to no good and they will probably surely give you a ticket. I did get out of one ticket with one, but every cop that’s ever seen it hasn’t been happy.
Let him know you see him
After you’ve made that decision, turn on your inside dome light (If it’s night). Then extend your open hand out and wave it a few times to let the cop know that you see them. If you’re in the middle of a pass, accelerate and pass that person allowing plenty of room for the cop to do the same behind you. He has already caught you, slowing down won’t help any. Cops really love when you do this. They think you’re one of them 🙂
Whatever you do Don’t jam on the brakes! This will really freak the cop out because they don’t know what you’re going to do. If you’re going to break for it or what. You’re really screwed if you brake so don’t do it. Don’t even tap on the brakes until your final stop.
Pick a NICE spot to land
Your next task is to pick a good spot to pull over. You should work your way right at a safe pace. Don’t make any sharp passes or work too hard to get over quickly. You want the process of pulling you over to be as easy as possible for the cop. Pissing him off means it’s over.
You want to pick a nice spot that will allow you to pull over well off the freeway. You don’t want to pick a spot that will mean you will be right in the slow lane. Even better, you should pull off on the next available exit if there is one and pull into some gas station or something. Sure you’ll draw the looks from all the people laughing at your ass, but you’ll be doing the same anywhere so why give the cop a nice spot to stop.
Once you have found your spot, take a nice slow stop to the right with your blinker on. (Make sure you remember the turn signal!) And make sure you give the cop plenty of time behind you to slow down. You don’t want to brake too suddenly.
Once you are stopped
Once you are stopped, make sure you set your emergency brake or set it in park (for you auto foolios). Now turn off your radio if you have it on and roll down your left window.
Next place BOTH hands on the steering wheel and sit still. Don’t move. Don’t make any sudden moves. If you have anyone in the car with you, tell them to NOT turn around, but to just to sit still. And make sure you tell them to shut up and not do anything to make the situation worse.
Whatever you do, don’t get out of the car unless they ask you to. If you get out the cop will/probably draw our his gun on your ass if he isn’t already yelling at you to get TF back in your car.
Remember one screw up can be the difference between a ticket or not.
Now the cop will come up to your window. It’s up to you if you wanna say the first thing, but if you do, make it good.
The cop will most likely ask you “Do you know why I pulled you over” What he wants you to say is “yes boss, you be pulling me over because my dumb ass was speeding” which is exactly what you don’t want to say. You don’t want to admit what you were doing at all. The proper response to that question, (the one I give) is “No, why did you pull me over?” The cop usually doesn’t like that response but it’s the only good one.
The next trick question is usually “Do you know how fast you were going?” If you say you do, you’re Fucked. He’ll probably ask you how fast, and you either tell the truth, and you’re fucked or lie and you’re even more fucked. So what I usually say is “No I wasn’t paying attention” They really don’t like this answer because they know you’ve out thought them. So they generally reply with something like “Oh don’t you pay attention to your driving/speed?” To which I usually go “I had the radio on and I wasn’t really paying attention.”
After that they usually say how fast they think you were going. There maybe some other questions but usually not. They will then probably ask for your license and registration. Sometimes it’s just the license because they already ran your plates or something. I’ve seen them go both ways. What you do then is confirm what they said and say where it is. Such as “let me get my license out of my wallet” Now make sure to break eye contact and look down to get out your license. If you look at them while you’re doing it it will really freak them out like you’re probably reaching for a gun. Once you’ve handed them your license, they might ask for the registration. Give them the location for it and reach over for it. If it’s the glove box, leave it
open after grabbing it as if you don’t care if they see in. (Got nothing to hide).
After that who knows, the cop by this point usually has decided based on your actions/record what to do. You should try to act scared (I never have a problem with that I usually start shaking, I see traffic school, and high insurance) I heard if you start crying like a girl, you get out of them every time. If you don’t go for that, just be polite. Being a dick screws you over for sure. After you know they are going to give you a ticket for sure, it’s up to you how to act. You can be nice, which you should be if you plan to fight it. Or you can be a dick, but then they might pile some more crap on you.
The book above has a whole chapter on tricks to get out of tickets, but none of them look plausible enough for me to try. I don’t think I could keep a straight face.
No matter what you think of the cops, say it later. Mouthing off never gets you anywhere and usually lands you in more trouble. My chick loves mouthing off to cops because her ex was a cop and she never gets out of any tickets.
These are just some hints that can help you out. It’s by no means a complete plan for every cop, every situation but it’s worked for me. The first time I tried the above actions, the cop asked if I was either a cop or in law enforcement. That should show you how good I drive 🙂 When I said I wasn’t (probably shoulda lied) he knocked down my 85 in a 50 down to 65 in a 50. Big ticket savings, all because I knew what to do when pulled over.
Next time I did this with a local sheriff. He was a real prick. He started bagging on me cuz he saw that Radar Detector. He said “oh got a history of speeding eh?” then he looked up my record, saw it was totally spotless, and let me go. He started to walk away and I said “Is that it?” Because I was expecting a ticket. He said “Why you want more?” I said “No” and he let me go.
I wasn’t so lucky with the Local Berrien Springs Cops in Michigan. Those donut eaters were as dirty as they came, making up fake stuff about people, pushing people around. A bunch of fat asses too.. So when they pulled me over, they stuck it to me. Only like a 65$fine tho’ not like California.
If you’re a hot chick, you don’t have to listen to any of this. I have heard all these amazing stories from various hot chicks (usually blonde) about how they get out of all these incredible situations (90 mph in a 50) just because they are hot. Anyone remember that Seinfeld episode? That’s how it is in real life.